he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
