Those balls look pretty dangerous.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
