dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
