Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize