Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize