Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I stole a fireplace last night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
