I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
