none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
