Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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