hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
