she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
