what day is it and did you see me today?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
