A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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