Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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