Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i think my cat just said my name.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
