So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
