Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
