erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
