If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
