the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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