Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
