You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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