If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
