If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
