You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
