If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
