i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
