I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
