The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
