I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize