he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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