Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
