I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize