He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize