like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
