Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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