maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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