So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
