$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
