Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
