I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
