I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
