So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
