He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
