why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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