shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Screwed.edu
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
