The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
