On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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