he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
