She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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