yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
