Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
