Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
