I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
