i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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