I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
