Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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