I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
