wanna go halves on a baby?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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