So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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