It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
