when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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