In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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