I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
