so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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