It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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